| Wow |
[03 Jan 2010|04:31am] |
UPDATE!!!
Sooo... the college thing didn't end up working out for very long... I only lasted 2 weeks. I had so much homework, and shit. I haven't been able to sleep, but at least i'm a month clean. Me and Chris moved to Vermont, and packed up the apartment in Conneticut. When we first moved to bumb fuck Vermont, I started seeing shit... Like really bad. I thought it was all real! I would tell Chris about what I did in the night, and he would be like no you didn't, you were here the whole time. I ended up going to the ER (just got the $2,500 bill), and they did a whole bunch of tests, and when we were finished they told me I was fine. I'm at my grandmas right now and everyone is still sleeping. I haven't slept in like 4 days which sucks
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| Lonely |
[30 Aug 2009|09:15pm] |
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I'm so lonely... Chris found a girl in virginia, but I guess they didn't do anything. I'm holding back tears cuz I really don't think i'm ready for college
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[01 Aug 2009|02:53pm] |
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Well, my mom came and left. I got arrested a month ago for hitting chris, and he left and went back to Vermont. We still talk and he comes and visits alot. I'm going back to Florida to visit in 2 weeks... I've been talking to Greg lately. I'm pretty much only going to see him... All i've been hearing from there is the same shit that was going on when I lived there. I'm really just hoping for the best... theres a reason for everything and theres something behind me pushing me to go
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[09 Jun 2009|10:46am] |
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Things have been bothering me lately... My mom is coming to town July 1st, and i'm excited but shes such a bitch. There is so much shit still there between us that its not normal
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| a year : ( |
[08 Jun 2009|10:59am] |
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Its almost been a year since the accident, and its just fucking crazy that I'm even alive. As soon as I wrote that sentance I started crying. I don't kno what I want to do with my life, I just want to be happy.
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| "Venting" |
[30 Apr 2009|10:09am] |
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Okay.. once again i'm not happy. I have no friends, all I do is work, and listed to Chris say the same thing everyday a hundred times. I want a life, and chris isn't from here either.
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[25 Mar 2009|07:04pm] |
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I've realized that when i'm bored or something, I start thinking about taking my meds. I guess its the addictive behavior like now, this kid zach said he was coming to town at 5. I texted him at 6 30 and he said he was just getting into town, I told him I am bored. He said he has to see whats up and then he'll hit me back. I'm not the type of person to sit and wait for stuff.. I have to wake up at 7 tomorrow morning. Fuck him...
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| 43 days clean and sober |
[23 Mar 2009|02:08pm] |
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I had to come back to Florida cuz probation called. I wasn't suppose to be in Conneticut, but I flew in Thursday. Some fucked up shit happend... Kaila picked me up from the air port, and we went to this kids house. We left, and I told her I didn't want to go back there. We went back and after like.. 15 min we hear GET ON THE GROUND. It took me a min to realize what was going on.. That it was the cops. They brought us out front and told us what was going on, they have a search warrent for guns, and to search all the cars on the property. They found 20 guns, and i've never been there before. They searched Kailas car, and found a bowl, and weed, but she only got a written arrest. THEN, we left and she was like they didn't take my keef and shoved it in my face to smell it... I was like Kaila get that shit out of my face, I don't want to smell it. I told her just to take me home, and on the way home we got into an arguement about weed being a drug. It was really pissing me off! Then when we got to my moms house she asked if I was mad at her, I was like Kaila.. I don't think we should be friends anymore, then she said something and I just closed the door and walked away. She sent me a text when I got home and she was like what the fuck I've done so much for you... She hasn't done shit for me but piss me off. I was like kaila you live a lifestyle that I don't live anymore. Then I said you get what you deserve. Before all this shit happend she was telling me about a guy that she always rips off, and I told her to be careful because karmas a bitch, and look what happend. She was talking to the cops and braging to everyone about how good the weed was that shit had. When we left she was calling everyone and bragging about what happend. That was some really good closure. FUCK THAT! I don't need that in my life, I just came here to get off probation. I haven't seen my probation officer in a year, but last time I checked I just had to do drug councling, get a job, and pass a drug test. RIGHT BEFORE I came here I got a job at target, and I have orentaion tomorrow, but I called today, and told them my mom was in the hospital and they understood. So whenever I get off this shit I will ahve a job
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[07 Mar 2009|01:37am] |
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Everything is going good. Me and Chris had a fight a few days ago. I need to start getting my anger more under control. I've been shopping on ebay lately. I bought Chris a shirt and I bought myself a purse
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[26 Feb 2009|11:02pm] |
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I got home yesterday and now I wish I never left. Me and Chris were gonna get an apartment together and we're suppose to move in Saturday but I don't know. He makes me so mad!
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[19 Feb 2009|10:57pm] |
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This is what I get for spending $20,000.... a bunch of spoiled bitches. I'm in detox and just got in this huge fight with 2 of the girls here. CUNTS!
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[04 Feb 2009|09:28am] |
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I'm starting to get a little scared about going to Florida. i guess its just all the memories there. At last Caseys picking me up from the airport
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[31 Jan 2009|05:21pm] |
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I'm sitting here waiting for chris to get back to the hotel with people so we can start my going away party. I'm going to Florida for a month (or forever). I'm going to this celeberty detox place that costs $20,000 for 2 weeks. I'm gonna hang out with my friends first then go. I already have the flight booked and everything ready to go. The detox is awesome!! now I can get out of this fucking cold weather!
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[27 Jan 2009|12:54pm] |
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I don't kno where the place for me is. I don't kno if I should go back to Florida or stay here... I'm so confused. I don't kno what i'm suppose to do. What if something bad happends if I stay here or if something bad happends if I go back. I guess it doesn't matter, but I woundering where I would be happier. I want to be happy, but Florida and Conneticut are so different. People in both places have completely different personalities and attitudes. I mean, I get along with both, but I don't kno which one I like more. lol I think theres more bullshit in Florida, but maybe its because I kno more people there. The thing here is that theres not many really cool people, theres pretty much all losers. The people that aren't losers think they're the shit, and i'm not really into all that. Ugh.. lifes a bitch
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[19 Jan 2009|02:47pm] |
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I'm fucking pissed off. Fuck Chris! Hes annoying once again. I can't date anyone that stupid anymore. Seriosly, its annoying! UGH! Fuck the world
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[15 Jan 2009|10:41am] |
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Here I am... crying because I don't kno what to do with my life. I never thought I would make it this far.... now what am I suppose to do?
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[13 Jan 2009|09:05pm] |
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I'm just about on the "kill myself" phase. Life would be so much easier if I didn't have that money. I wouldn't constanty have people up my ass, and people wouldn't use me. I'm about ready to move the fuck out of Chris's and get my own goddamn apartment. Fuck him and his nonsence. I'm about to fucking shank him when hes sleeping
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| So stupid |
[12 Jan 2009|12:30pm] |
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I spent $200 last night on 2 1/2 grams of coke. I was in a really bad mood and I gave the dude the money and then I went to smoke, and after I smoked I was like... wtf? I should have just smoked. After I came down I felt like SHIT! My nose has been all fucked up, but i'm going to have dinner with my aunt tonight. She is so much cooler than the other one. We're so much alike its crazy! She told me that her friend was coming with her and told me not to be suprized if hes scarey looking and ugly. I've really been wanting to get fucked up lately and the coke was a bad idea. Hopefully she has some pills she'll sell me
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[08 Jan 2009|01:31pm] |
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My aunt ann that I never meet called me today and I guess we're gonna meet on Sunday. She doesn't kno that I don't wanna talk to daddy. I met Aunt Jackie a few weekes ago and we smoked together. Aunt ann said she can't wait to get home so she can smoke a bowl. I was like... when we hang out I can smoke with u
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[06 Jan 2009|11:24am] |
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Ever since the last time I wrote I've been taking methadomes everyday. I was thinking about rehab, but I don't kno what I want to do. I just sometimes think that I'm never gonna go any where in life. Maybe I'm just not strong enough, and I just want to give up
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